Potty Mouth

by Kris Pitcher

I went to the women's restroom at a restaurant last night and went into an open stall. Settled down on the seat and frankly...I was trying to decide if I needed to poop. Don't judge me.

Then from the neighboring stall I hear this woman talking. Was she talking to me?! In about 1 second I realized she was not talking to me...she was on her phone. Seriously. Why are we still talking on the phone on the toilet.

Isn't my potty private? I feel like it's private. I don't think I need to be talking to anyone while that's happening, and I'd rather you don't listen. Private. This lady yaps away as the stalls around her are busy. She flushes, and I can hear her out by the sinks. Yap. Yap. Yap.

Then she's in my way. I nudge in, smile, and wash my hands. See, she's having trouble because she's trying to talk on the phone AND wash her hands. I kind of want to punch her.

I dry my hands, she's still contorting her neck and working to get a paper towel. Honestly, is this conversation critical? Could she manage her time slightly better? And this is why your phone is full of bacteria.

If you're a potty mouth, think about getting the poop off your phone with a handi-wipe. And people wonder how their phone falls in the toilet? Maybe I'm a traditionalist? Maybe I'm a prude? Maybe I don't have a friend to phone?

At any rate, may I suggest you stop talking so much crap and just do your business. Separate your tasks. Do what you need to do and save your visiting for a hands free moment. Or at the very least, open your eyes and become the slightest bit aware of those around you. Put your phone down for just a moment, and stop being such a potty mouth. Just a thought.