Monday, November 28, 2011

Dear Self, A Heart to Heart

by Kris Pitcher

Dear Self,
I'd ask you to sit down for this heart to heart...but since you're still in bed, maybe you could sit up. What is THAT?! And why are you laughing? You did that didn't you? Stop laughing, farts haven't been funny since seventh grade.

We need to talk...
Oh, carbs are NOT your friend! Put those covers down. Listen, you've been on a real bender here for long enough. You've enjoyed your holiday, the family, the celebration - but it's time to pull yourself together.

Are you wearing socks? When was the last time you shaved your legs? Those aren't socks! Really, you need to get it together. You've fallen off the program HARD. Do you see your shoes over there? When was the last time you laced them up?

You haven't been to the gym in over a week and you've been eating like crazy. Sure, it was just going to be one meal...then it was two and so on. It's OK, we can recover from this. But you've got to get out of bed and take the first steps.

First thing, get in the shower. You've got to scrub down, polish up and get yourself in order. You might as well get right into your workout clothes. Next, you need to do some food prep. You know the drill, let's get some lean protein ready to go. And where are those veggies?

Clean out the carbs. What is that? Is that cereal? We don't eat cereal. Get rid of that. And get rid of those cookies too. Leftover know what to do with it. You're going back on the plan. Your system is not handling all that sugar very well, and there is no dog here to let's get our self de-gassed. Geeze!

It's off to the gym to get back on track. Your workout is going to feel great, and everyone is wondering where you've been. Fill up that water bottle on your way out the door, you could use some hydration.

There, doesn't that feel better? It's easy to get off track, WAY off track. But it's just as easy to pull ourselves together and get right back on. Now aren't you glad you got your gas-bag butt out of bed and back on track?! I hope our little heart to heart wasn't too hard on you. But it's hard for me to see you like that. And I know it doesn't feel good either.

We've just begun this holiday season, and no one is going to keep us on track but you and me. It's on us. So, I'm going to tell you like it is. Besides, you're fowl on carbs! Just sayin'! So let's keep it together, this little slip doesn't have to be a land slide for the rest of the season. I'll see you at the gym!


  1. Pff a shower before a workout?! Honestly, Kris... where has your mind gone?! :) hehe love it

  2. Oh Lacey, see you have beautiful hair. My hair after a bender in and out of bed looks like cotton candy. There is no hat that can cover MUST be washed! LOL!