You Are NOT My Friends!

by Kris Pitcher

There's this group of girls, women I guess, who have been trying to be friends with me for a long time. They're always smiling at me, and waving. It makes me a little uncomfortable really. And then sometimes when I return the wave with a look like, "Oh, hi!" they act like they didn't see me. It makes me feel like they're insincere.

So, I decide they're not really for me. Not the crowd I want to be friends with. But there they are...at every restaurant, behind every menu. Always there. They seem to be at every social event I attend, it's like we're always in the same circles.

You know the type who are always really stylish, well dressed, I can't seem to help but get drawn in. I mean...look at them. Then I long to be friends with them. I go back and forth...telling myself I'm better off on my own, and that I don't need them.

I tell myself they're empty inside. They don't have anything to offer me. They look pretty on the outside, but they don't have anything of value. When I give in to them, I'm left feeling used. After I've spent time with them, I'm shaky and head achy...I just don't feel good. Who needs friends like that?

I'd rather be a loner than hang out with you girls. You can keep your bread, your crackers, your scones, and your chips. I don't need your noodles, your tortillas, your rice or your cereal. Your flour has nothing for me, you're full of sugar and you're only pretty on the outside. You're...you're just CARBS!

I don't want to be friends with you carbs anyway. You're a bunch of mean girls carbs making the rest of us miserable! Keep to yourselves - you can't stalk me anymore! You are not my friends!