Monday, March 4, 2013

Unsightly Unmentionables

by Kris Pitcher

As I stuck my thumb through yet another pair of underwear, I decided it might be time to buy some new ones. I hate shopping. I hate trying things on. I want to purchase things in a package of at least three...let's be efficient here.

But when you decide you'd better not get into a car accident, you know you're on your last thread. So, I marched into Target with one thing on my mind. Unmentionables.

As I walked through the doors I saw this CUTE red party dress that would be perfect for an upcoming work event! I held it out on it's hanger..."that would never fit my back," I thought as I put it down and kept going. Focus!

Oh! A sale rack! 70% off? That's practically FREE! Except I wouldn't wear any of this...what was I here for again? Pink stretch, skinny this can't be a bad idea can it? I grabbed them in a size 6. In blue.

Workout wear? No, that wasn't it. Leg warmers? YES! Sure, spring is right around the corner, but these are on sale and I grew up watching FAME, I want these. Skinny pants, and leg warmers. This is going really well!

Checking the time, I whisked myself into the changing room thinking there was no way those pants would fit. Pants don't fit me. They fit me. I went back to the rack and put the blue pair back. Pink. Why not get them in pink?

I did finally "look" at the unmentionables. But I wasn't impressed and didn't find anything I wanted. Plus, I was running short on time. And can someone please explain why there are cartoon underpants in the women's department? I'm confused.

My shopping spree ended with pink skinny jeans, and leg warmers. I may end up on one of those "what not to wear" photos in the magazines...but at least I'll be living out my dreams. I just need to watch myself and be SURE not to get in a car accident. It would be unsightly...

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