Sunday, March 11, 2012

If I Were A Bikini Barista

by Kris Pitcher

I admire the bikini barista girls at the drive through espresso huts. Along with their lingerie colleagues, they make up a unique work force.

When I was young enough to be a barista I certainly didn't have a bikini body...and I don't think it would be an age appropriate job for me now.

Besides, if I was a bikini barista, they would have to hand out special soft filtering glasses at the first window. That way when you picked up your drink from skin would look smooth and milky like your latte.

There would be a collection basket near the tip jar for you to deposit your special glasses so we could distribute them to the next customer. Without them, customers would see the harsh realities of life.

They'd see spider veins, dry skin, and blemishes. They would notice the way my fat insulates around my middle during off season and the way when I would reach through the window...gravity brings all of me closer.

Customers might notice the fine lines, and that thinning neck skin I said I'd never get. As they made me laugh they'd see the flock of crows threatening to take off from my sparkling eyes.

So, maybe it's better if I don't become a bikini barista. It's probably a job best left for the girls with plenty of collagen and elastin in their skin. It's likely more fitting for women who haven't yet seen the hands of time, or the pull of gravity as their pulling shots.

But thank goodness for them and their bikini ready physiques. I applaude them for their confidence and believe they are holding the power. Keep pulling the shots ladies! Me? I'll be waiting for those soft filtering glasses.


  1. It wasn't too long after I moved here to the PNW that I became envious of those bikini barista's. Not just for their bikini bodies but the confidence they held to work that job in a bikini!

    I gotta ay no filtering glasses needed to look at you though, seriously you look ahh-mazing! :)